text messages 96 - 130

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96: Guro: Benito, ako'y may 5 mansanas sa kanang kamay at 10 sa kaliwa, samakatuwid, meron akong... Benito: malalaking kamay ma'am!

97. A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy. The baby asked, "Does this mean I'm an angel?" Fairy laughs, "Of course not! Negrang to, ambisyosa. Paniki ka!"

98. At times when you're lonely and have no one to talk to, put your hands together and sing... "Chong koyla, mekurikong sila, tayo wala, hehehe, tayo wala..." Ayos ba?

99. Text won't flow, everyone knows, when the load fades away. Text will die, and tears in your eyes, you've got to throw your phone up high! Yeah.. yeah. Throw your phone up high!

100. Life is full of rewards. If you eat properly, exercise and take good care of yourself for 60 years... what is your reward? A senior citizen card! 20% discount. =)


101. If only I had the power to turn back time... if only i could read your mind... Wala lang! Astig di ba? Tapos, marunong pa raw akong lumipad! Yeah! =)

102. Ama: Hoy Brando! Huwag kang babakla bakla ha! Anak: Hindi po itay. Punta nga ako sa basketbolan ngayon. Ama: Yan, astig! Anak: Mama, nakita mo pompoms ko?

103. Bawat luha ay mahalaga kaya siguraduhin mong bawat pagluha ay sa karapat-dapat na tao dahil ang luha kapag tumulo ay hindi na maibabalik sa mata, hindi tulad ng uhog na pwedeng masinghot pa. =)

104. Quotes to live by: 1. Birds of the same feather are the same birds; 2. Do not do unto others what you can't do; 3. an apple a day is not an apple at night; 4. When the cat is away, the mouse is alone; 5. if others can do it, don't help; 6. tell me who you're friends are and i'll tell you mine; 7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy in the afternoon; 8. ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim, ang ilog na maingay, may naglalaba. =)

105. Wife: I'm warning you, darating na ang mister ko within one hour. Visitor: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawang masama ah. Wife: Yun nga eh, kung may plano ka, dalian mo na! Bagal mo naman!

106. Poem of love: Kapag binasa mo ito, crush mo ako. Kapag inerase mo, liligawan mo na ako. Kapag save mo, mahal mo ako. Kapag nagreply ka, on na tayo. Kapag nagmiskol ka, pakasal na tayo. Try mong tumawag, honeymoon na tayo.

107. Let's pause for a while and offer a prayer for the soul of our cotexter who just passed away dahil ang tangek, nahulog sa bubong sa kakahanap ng signal! Tange, di ba?

108. Trivia: Did you know that scientist found out that cute texters hold their cellphone with their left hand? Oh! Huwag mo nang ilipat, alam kong nasa kanan yan! Mandaya pa raw ba!

109. Ano english ng "Baka maswerte ako"? Beef lucky me! Ano ang "Maswerte ako inay"? Lucky me mami! Ano ang "Maswerte akong lalake"? Lucky me with egg! Boink!

110. A little bird was flying in winter. The bird froze and fell into the ground. A cow came by and dropped some dung on the bird. Bird realized how warm it was and began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing, dig him out and ate him! Lessons to be learned from the story: 1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy; 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend; and 3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut! =)

111. I'm praying that our friendship will never come to an end. I'm wishing that it will last until you can see an apple in an orange tree on the 30th day of february. =) Nangiti ka noh?

112. Madre: Father, tell your seminarians not to urinate along the fence. Pari: Sister naman! Maliliit na bagay, pinapansin mo. Madre: No! Malalaki, father. Malalakiii!!!

113. Intsik: Bili kayo panty. Kapag sinuot ito, hindi kayo mabubuntis. Babae: Bigyan mo ako ng tatlo. 3 months later, galit si babae: Bakit ako nabuntis? Intsik: Baka hinubad mo!

114. GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako! BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah! GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae, magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako! BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko!

115. Dear Ate Charo: Problema ko po ang asawa ko, maniac! Luto ako, sex kami. Plantsa ako, sex kami! Laba, nood tv, sex kami! Paalam na po, kasi, aah, ooh, ayan naa namaaan! =)

116. Kapag nahuli ka ng mahal mong may kasamang iba, tapos nagalit, sabihin mo... "Kita mo itong rebisco sandwich? Katulad nyo, iba't ibang flavor, pero lahat, love ko!"

117. Umaga na naman, gising mga pasaway! Magtanggal ng muta at panis na laway. Humarap sa salamin at sabihin, "Cute ko talaga." Tiyak, ganda inyong umaga kahit kagigising mo pa lang ay nagsinungaling ka na! =)

118. Normal is boring! Paranormal is shocking! Criminal is horrifying! Homosexual is bading! And now, the abnormal is reading!! Bawi ka sa iba. =)

119. Minsan, nakakasawa ding itext ka ng hello? Kumusta? Gud am. Gud pm. Kumain na ba u? Ano gawa u? Kaya para maging unique, ibahin naman natin... "tumae ka na ba? Hugas ka ha!"

120. 70 million people are having sex right now! 40 million are planning to have sex. 30 million are dreaming of it and one expert is busy reading this message! =)

121. An empty stomach needs food, an empty brain needs knowledge, an empty house needs a family, and an empty heart needs love. But then, an empty life needs a friend, thanks for filling in.

122. Friends are like mornings, you can't have them the whole day, but you can be sure they will be there when you wakeup tomorrow, next week, next year, forever.

123. Promise me we are true friends. You are the roof, I am the ground. You are the floor, I am the tiles. You are the sun, I am the rays. I am the tree, you are the monkey. Gusto mo ng saging?

124. When you make choices, follow God, not your own way. For if your own way fails, you regret but with God, you can smile and say, "He knows best."

125. Add Jesus to your life; subtract all your fears; multiply your good works; divide your blessings; equals wonderful life.

126. Everything that God allows to come our way was with a purpose. He uses even the greatest error and deepest hurt to mold us into a person of worth and value.

127. True bonding is not measured by the time spent together or the favors done for each other but by the comfort you find when you realized that you care for each other.

128. Love can never be wrong, sometimes, you blame the situation or even the person. But no matter who you blame, if it really wasn't the will of God, it just wouldn't be.

129. True strength is being able to hold it all together when everyone else is expecting you to fall apart.

130. As I watched the ants crawl upon the wall, I noticed that no matter how busy they are, they still stop and communicate. I hope, we could be like the ants, nakakalakad sa walls. =)

Contributors:

96-102: Tekla
103- 108: +63920240***0
109-115: Erica
116-120: Deejay
121-130: originally posted at kukote in a jar