Oct 25, 2006

text messages 1001 - 1050

1001. Work is the greatest thing in the world, so I always save some of it for tomorrow. - Juan Tamad. Very inspirational! =)

1002. Buddha says, "In the end, only 3 things matter... how much we loved, how gently we lived and how gracefully we let go of the things not meant for us." Good afternoon!

1003. While Dad was polishing his new car, his four-year old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In his anger, Dad took the child's hand and hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, his child said, "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?" Dad was so hurt. He went back to the car and kicked it a lot of times. Sitting back, he looked at the scratches the child made, it read... "I LOVE YOU DADDY"

1004. Boy: I saw her. Still pretty and she looks so happy. Girl: I saw him. I felt like crying but I won't let him notice that. Boy: I wonder if she's now taken, maybe, she is. Girl: I'm still single, can't seem to find someone who could take his place. Boy: I know she's angry. Girl: After all he's done, I couldn't get angry. Boy: I'm coward not to choose her. Girl: He was brave enough to choose the one he truly loves. Boy: I regret it. Girl: Wish he never left. Boy: I love her but it's too late, she doesn't love me anymore. Girl: I love him still but I should move on. =(

1005. I always dream, I tend to be happy, but my dreams won't fit my eyes, that's why they fell and became tears, because you are the dream that is out of my reach.

1006. I just wanna let you know that you are my only special friend. The rest are normal! Hahaha!

1007. Every nice friend is a glimpse of God. It is one of life's best blessings, a priceless gift that can never be bought, sold or forgotten. Good morning!

1008. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Good morning!

1009. Morning thought: Contentment is not always the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how blessed you are for what you already have. Good morning and God bless!

1010. I can't be a dummy if I know deep within me I'm real. Yet, some people may misunderstood me, and don't even bother to take a simple glimpse of my worth. But this is what I want to say... What you see is what you get. Judge me? Well, it depends on what you see but knowing me? It is your creativity to look deeper, peel whatever cover you could see, because deep within me is what makes me human. Not perfect, just the real one.

1011. Words of a student to live by: "Whenever I feel like studying, I lie down until the feeling is gone." Yeah!

1012. You know what happiness is? It's waking up in the middle of the night, shifting blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and you see that person in his/her most innocent state. You smile, kiss the face gently so as not to awake that person. You turn around and a grin forms on your face. Then, you feel an arm wrapped around your waist, and you know it doesn't get any better than this. :)

1013. Loving is not what we see but what we feel, not how we listen but how we understand, not how we forget but how we forgive. Loving is holding on even when the pain dares you to let go.

1014. 1986 was a year of revolutions. It was the year when our people kicked out a dictatorship that stifled our freedom. It was the year the first lady president stepped into power. And it was the year when the Filipino people heard the powerful voice of Regine Velasquez!

1015. Take 60 seconds and pass this on to those you want God to bless, and don't forget to send it back to the one who asked God to bless you first. Father, God, bless all my friends and family in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day. May their life be full of Your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with You. Amen.

1016. The Israelites saw Goliath and said, "He is so big, we cannot win." David saw Goliath and said, "He is so big, I cannot miss!" Life is a matter of perspective. Good night!

1017. We can love someone and just be happy about it even if we know that it cannot last forever. It is not about having someone. It is not about owning a relationship, it is just about being happy because you know you have loved someone. There is a purpose and meaning behind all events and this purpose and meanings develop you as a person and a lover. Whatever relationship you have in your life now, they are precisely the ones you need at this moment.

1018. The night is designed to end the worries and fears of the day, it signifies to leave it all to God and prepare for another day to come. Have a peaceful night and a blessed tomorrow!

1019. Friendship is an investment! It gives you security, happiness, trust, love and care. Thanks for depositing this to me without even asking for any interest! Please, don't withdraw!

1020. When you hold someone, hold them like it's the last time you will ever see them and when they go, don't make reasons for them to stay... only reasons for them to return.

1021. True wealth is not a matter of bank accounts and assets. It's in the values we live and share as well as the persons we keep in touch with and care. Good night!

1022. The word "Good morning!" doesn't really mean "Gising na!" But it's a fact one of the silly way of saying I've been thinking of you everytime I wake up. Good morning!

1023. Kinds of perfume for women: teener - Cool Water. lady - Giorgio Armani. newly wed - Bulgari. married - Sweet Honesty. spinster - Green Cross. old lady - Albatross.

1024. Lagi kitang kinukumusta, tinatanong kung ok ka. Inaalala kahit malayo ka, pero pinakagusto kong sabihin, "Sana, kasama kita para masaya." Kasi, alam mo, "Iba kapag andito ka!" I miss you!

1025. Sagutin mo ito ha. Kung mahal mo talaga ang isang tao, maaayos mo itong letters na ito in 3 words. "ETYEFSUEOR" Kapag hindi mo nasagot, means, hindi ka marunong magmahal. Hintayin ko ang sagot ha! Note: Answer is "SET YOU FREE"

1026. Kapag may bagay na mawawala sa akin, pwedeng huwag ikaw? Kung may taong lalayo sa akin, sana, hindi ikaw. Kung may taong makakasama ako habambuhay, favor naman o. Pwede, ikaw na lang?

1027. Kinatok mo ang puso ko, pinatuloy kita. Pero tumigil ka sa pinto, nag-isip ka pa yata! Tanong ko lang, tutuloy ka pa ba? Kasi, hindi na ako magpapapasok pa ng iba kapag nasa loob ka na.

1028. Araw-araw, ang daming problema! Tumingin ako sa langit at sumigaw, "Sana, mamatay na lang ako!" Eh nakita kita, may dalang Red Horse! Sumigaw ulit ako, "Lord, joke lang po! Mag-iinuman muna kami..."

1029. Bunso: Huhuhuhuhu! Inay: Bakit umiiyak ang kapatid mo? Ate: Ewan ko sa kanya, hinog na nga ang ibinigay ko sa kanya, sa akin, hilaw, iiyak pa! Inay: Bakit, ano palang kinain nyo? Ate: Sili.

1030. Nanay: Lakas mong kumain ah, kapal talaga ng mukha mo! Bwisit! Anak: Inay naman! E kung yung baboy, kumain, tuwang tuwa pa kayo! Sino ba talaga ang anak nyo, ako, o yung baboy?

1031. Lalake, nahulog sa septic tank, sumigaw, "Sunog! Sunog!" Dumating ang bumbero, naligtas sya. Tinanong sya, "Bakit sunog ang isinigaw mo?" Lalake: Kung ebak ba, pupunta ba kayo dito?

1032. Songs of married couple: First night: Aray naku! 1-5 years: Araw-araw, gabi-gabi! 6-15 years: Paminsan-minsan. 16-25 years: Sana Kahit Minsan. 26-49 years: Gaano Kadalas ang Minsan? 50 up: Maalaala Mo Kaya?

1033. Anak: Inay, nung nasa bus kami ni papa, sabi nya, bigay ko inuupuan ko sa dalagang sumakay. Inay: Tama yun anak. Anak: Pero inay, nakakandong lang ako kay papa nun!

1034. Learn Japanese. Is this your underwear? - Jakimoto? Speechless - Wasabhe. What are your thoughts? - Kurokuromo? Are you a regular customer? - Sukikaba?

1035. Pasyente: Dok, bakit kapag nanonood ako ng x-rated, nagkukulay orange ang t*ti ko? Dok: (inexamine) Kapag manonood ka ulit ng x-rated, huwag kang kakain ng Chiz Curls.

1036. Masarap daw mag-asawa ng Canadian. Kasi, pwede mong sabihing maglaba canadian. magsaing canadian. linis canadian. punas canadian. O ano? Ok canadian? Smile canadian.

1037. Anak: Tay, bili tayo ng bebelgam. Tatay: Tanga! Hindi bebelgam yun, bubble gum! Anak: Whatever, pahingi ng barya tay. Tatay: Kunin mo dun sa corn first ko! =)

1038. Lani Misalucha : Asia's Nightingale. Regine Velasquez : Asia's Song Bird. Christian Bautista : Hearthrob of Asia. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo : Mole of Asia!

1039. Ang hangin, kahit saan pwedeng pumunta, pwedeng madama at pwedeng makasama. Samantalang ako, nandito, mag-isa habang iniisip ka. Sana, hangin na lang ako para sa mga oras na ito, magulo ko ang buhok mo! hehehe

1040. Gusto mo ngang magmahal, wala namang dumarating. May darating nga, sasaktan ka lang naman, bakit kaya ganun? Samantalang yung iba, kahit mukhang paa, tatlo-tatlo ang syota, nangangarir pa!

1041. Ching chang chung shang tian li yao lai! Mo yang shang hai la? Piao xi moi pai poi la tang siang, tiao que, bo cho lo ke. Hayaaaaah! - Jackie Chan from the movie Pink Dragon and the Shaolin Sisters.

1042. Bakla: Papa, finger mo naman ako sa pwet. Bf: Ok! Bakla: Deeper, papa! Bf: Uhm! (inserts whole hand and pulls out a Rolex) Ano ito?! Bakla: Surprise! Happy birthday!

1043. Sa tuwing nagtetext ka, natatanggap ko naman!

1044. A girl was on the way to the dorm. She's the only remaining passenger on the jeep. She had taken this route many times before, so she was surprised when the driver suddenly changed his course. Alarmed, she told the driver she's off to the dorm. After few minutes, they returned to the original route and the driver dropped her off the dorm, but before letting her, he gave her few words of advice. "Ineng, pag uwi mo, hubarin mo agad yung damit mo at kung pwede, sunugin mo agad. Iniba ko yung ruta para makaiwas sa disgrasya. Kanina kasi, pagtingin ko sa salamin, wala kang ulo!" Happy Halloween!

1045. From: 0919789***0. Message: Hi, I'm Lara. 5'4" ang height, long hair, maputi at duguan ang mata. Kamamatay ko lang kanina. Kapag hindi mo ito ipinasa sa 15 tao, makikita mo ako mamayang 3AM, nakatabi sa iyo! Happy Halloween!

1046. Iiyak ka ba kapag namatay ako? Papatak ba ang luha mo dahil wala na ako. Mamimiss mo kaya ang mga kakulitan ko? O kasabay ng libing ko, pasimple ka lang magtatago ng tinapay at Zest-O?!

1047. God gave me a gift wrapped in a glittering gold. So much to my delight, I opened it and found you! Si Lord talaga, October pa lang, pang halloween na yung gift!

1048. There is a group of students in a laboratory, each is holding a bottle of aborted fetus. One of them got her phone ringing and it was her dad. The girl ran screaming outside the lab. Why? Her dad on the other line said, "Asan ka ba? Bakit ang ingay, puro batang umiiyak!" Good night! Happy Halloween!

1049. One Sunday, a guy plan to go to church to pray for his girlfriend that died a week ago. That church was where both of them attended mass together. While walking for the entrance of the church, the guy suddenly felt weak, the more he gets further inside, the heavier his body become. As the mass ended, the guy was approached by a flower vendor and asked him, "Sir ang sweet mo naman." He asked, "Bakit mo nasabi?" "Kasi, pinasan mo pa ang girlfriend mo papasok ng simbahan." Happy Halloween!

1050. May bagong commercial daw si Efren Reyes ngayon. Ang product nya, bagong toothpaste!

1001: Lojik
1002: Anonymous (+63916494***9)
1003-1005, 1034-1035: Anonymous (+63918613***0)
1006-1011, 1036-1040: Abet (+63917866***0)
1012-1017, 1041-1046: Erica
1018-1021: Tekla
1022-1033: Anonymous (+63920240***0)
1047-1048: Irish
1049: Deejayz
1050. Arnel

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Oct 18, 2006

text messages 951 - 1000

951. If you find yourself in love with someone else who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just did not choose to rest in the other person's heart. Let it go. There's a reason and a meaning. You will know in time.

952. Be patient when God does not give you what you want. He knows the best time for you to have it. Just remember that you can have it all. You just can't have it all at once.

953. Friendship is like the relation between the hand and eyes. When the hand gets hurt, the eye cries and when the eye cries, the hand wipes its tears.

954. Try holding a handful of sand too tightly and you end up holding almost none. The same is true in life. You can't have everything.

955. I used to think that when God gave us friends, He was very fair. Until the day you became my friend - that's when I knew I was getting more than my share. ;)

956. In life, if you expect everything, anything may seem nothing. If you expect nothing, anything seems everything. Enjoy what you have. You'll be happy.

957. Don't rush into falling in love, for love never runs out. Even if they mock you because you are single, just tell them this: "God is just busy writing the best love story that will swipe me off my feet!"

958. A simple text means I care enough to flex a few muscles, search your name, wait for "Message Sent" then think of you and smile as I say, "Sarap ng may kaibigan!"

959. Our friendship means a lot to me, that if we were the last people on a sinking ship and there's only one life vest, I promise, I'll miss you.

960. Kapag may kaaway ka, kahit sobrang dami pa nila, kahit mas malaki pa sila sa akin, tawagin mo ako at babalikan natin sila. Hihingi tayo ng sorry. =)

961. In the beginning, God created the world in 6 days. Then, he rested on the 7th day. Then, a stupid moron created a school. From then on, pucha! Nobody rested.

962. Love changes you. The way you act, the way you think, the way you decide. Sometimes, you even go against your principles and beliefs in life. Loving doesn't always mean you'll be happy. But you will soon realize that it is better if the person you love would be happy with someone else, than lonely with you. That's what you call sacrifice.

963. If I could choose a dream for you, it would be the kind of dream you deserve. A dream that someday, you'll find that special person who will make your life complete.

964. A man cornered by a lion prayed, "Lord, make this lion a Christian." The lion suddenly knelt down and prayed, "Bless this food which I'm about to receive thru Christ our Lord. Amen."

965. Man: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A second. Man: How much is $ 1 Million to you? God: A cent. Man: Can I borrow a cent? God: Wait a second. =)

966. If I were your exponent, I will give you powers. If I were your variable, I will give you solutions. But I'm only a friend to subtract your worries, add joy, divide grief and multiply your happiness!

967. The right guy isn't the one that flirts outrageously with you. It's the one that stands in the background and catches you when you fall.

968. Thought for women to keep: Men are not stupid. You do not need a complicated set of rules to find a good man who loves you. Here is the only thing you need to know, "If a man loves you, he will do anything to keep you around. ANYTHING..."

969. Quotes from Smallville: "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved." "Ironic: The one you loved the most is the one who can hurt you the most."

970. The paradox of life: Everybody wants to live a long life but nobody wants to get old. Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. And nobody seems to realize that in our life's journey, no one has ever reached the finish line alive. Enjoy your journey called life. Good night!

971. You aren't gonna be his last, his first, nor his only. He loved before, he will love again. But if he loves you now, what else matters? He is not perfect, you are not either. If he can make you laugh and he admits to being human and making mistakes, be with him. He's not gonna be thinking of you every moment of the day, but he will give you a part that he knows you can break his heart. So, don't hurt him, don't change him, don't analyze and don't expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy because perfect guys don't exist.

972. Kung talagang para sa iyo ang isang tao, mawala man sya sa iyo ng mahabang panahon, magkikita pa rin kayo. Kapag tama na ang mali at pwede na ang hindi. Kayo talaga sa huli.

973. Sa lahat lahat at sa dinami-rami ng taong nakilala ko... isa ka dun! :)

974. Goliat: Pareng Teban, nanalo ka raw sa raffle, isang sakong bigas. Eh, bakit lukot yang mukha mo? Teban: Nanalo nga pero isinaing na pagtanggap ko. Tulungan mo akong ubusin ito ha?!

975. Sa prusisyon. Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose, mga girls, sa karo ni Mama Mary. Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod? Pari: Mga bruha! Follow me!

976. Naniniwala ka ba na kapag malaki ang su... malaki din ang pek...? Totoo naman, di ba? Syempre, kapag malaki ang sugat, malaki din ang peklat! =)

977. Exercise daily keeps your body healthy. Like my lola, she was 75 when started walking 5 miles a day. Now she's 98, and until now, hindi pa umuuwi. Wala ba dyan?

978. Doctor: Bukod sa akin, may nauna ka bang kinunsulta sa sakit mo? Pasyente: Sa albularyo ho. Doctor: Anong katarantaduhan ang ipinayo sa iyo? Pasyente: Magpunta daw ako sa inyo!

979. If you're upset with someone, put yourself in his shoes and walk a mile. So, when he gets mad, you're a mile away na, you have his shoes pa!

980. Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empunto! Maid: walang problema donya. Kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag almusal!

981. Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin? Anak: Mas bobo si tatay 'nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, "Tama na Inday, hanggang tatlo lang ang kaya ko."

982. Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo bunga kung hinog na. FPJ: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga.) Oo pare, hinog na. Erap: Sige, baba ka na at sungkitin natin.

983. Tumatakbo si Erap galing computer room na sinusundan ng staff: "Sir, bakit ka tumatakbo?" Erap: Tatakas ako, sabi kasi ng computer 'press Ctrl then Escape'.

984. Misis: Sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako? Mister: Kung titingnan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang; kung nakatalikod 16 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang. Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.

985. Warning: Children playing outside the car can cause accident. Adults playing inside the car can cause children!!!!

986. "Asawa" 1st year masaya. After 5 years tanggalin ang A, "sawa na". After 10 years tanggalin ang S, "awa na lang". Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A, "wa na!"

987. Perfect Heaven: Having American salary, British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy wife! Perfect Hell: Having Korean car, British wife, German food, American home and Pinoy salary!

988. Man: Love, nawawala yung singsing na ibinigay mo sa akin. Wife: Maniac ka kasi, kung saan-saan mo ipinapasok yang daliri mo. Hayan o, nalaglag kanina pag-ihi ni Inday!

989. May ibinulong ang daga sa elepante. Biglang hinimatay ang elepante. Ano ang ibinulong ng daga? Daga: Buntis ako, ikaw ang ama! Dahil hindi makapaniwala ang elepante, dinala niya ang daga sa doktor. Tuwang tuwa ang elepante at masayang ibinulong ang resulta ng ultrasound. Biglang hinimatay ang daga. Ano ang ibinulong ng elepante? Elepante: Ako nga ang ama, at elepante ang anak natin, kambal!

990. Bakit hindi pwedeng magswimming ng sabay-sabay ang mga kalbo sa jacuzzi? Kasi, magmumukha silang fishballs! Tusok na!

991. Ang araw ay sisikat kahit hindi mo utusan. Ang hangin ay iihip kahit hindi mo hilingin. At ang puso ay titibok kahit hindi mo pilitin. Pero ang pinakamatindi ay kapag may LBM ka! Lalabas ang ebs kahit gaano mo pigilin!

992. Girlfriend: Mahal, ihatid mo ako. Boyfriend: Hindi pwede babe. Wala akong pera. Naoperahan ang lola ko, may sakit ang kapatid ko. Wala pang ipinapadala si mommy galing Japan. Girlfriend: Ayaw mo? Hindi ka makakascore sa akin, tandaan mo yan! Boyfriend: Ahahaha! Aba'y tingnan mo nga naman. May naipit pala na P500 sa bulsa ko! Tara babe, taxi tayo!

993. Minsan, naglalakad ako, nag-iisa. Lumingon ako sa kanan, wala akong nakita. Lumingon ako sa kaliwa, wala rin akong nakita. Kaya ayun, tumawid na ako! =)

994. Bata: Takot ako bunot ipin. Dentist: Huwag matakot. Bibigyan kita ng gamot, pampatapang. (Ininom ang gamot.) Dentist: O, matapang ka na? Bata: Tang ina, sino gagalaw ipin ko, babasagin ko bungo!

995. Those who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim. Pucha! Inom lang ng inom! Pupulikatin din yang sorrow na yan! =)

996. Sigaw ng nirerape na babae, "Tulong, tulong!" Rapist: Huwag ka nang humingi ng tulong, kaya ko itong mag-isa!

997. Teacher: Ano ang pangalan ng pinakamalakas na bagyo? Juan: Tukso po. Teacher: Bakit Tukso? Juan: Kasi, kayrami nang winasak na tahanan, kayrami nang matang pinaluha at kayrami nang pusong sinugatan.

998. Sa kumpisalan. Sexy: Father, kasalanan ba ang hindi pagsusuot ng panty? Father: Oo! Sexy: Paano po yan? Wala akong suot na panty ngayon. Father: Magtambling ka ng 10x papuntang altar!

999. IDD call from Saudi. Husband: Hon, kumusta ang tindahan? Wife: Department store na! Husband: Ang beer house? Wife: KTV Bar na! Husband: Yung tricycle? Wife: Taxi na! Husband: Eh ang 2 nating anak? Wife: Lima na!

1000. "Ya Ye Yi Yo Yu" Ya: Sosyal na yes. Ye: Lasing na yes. Yi: Bisayang yes. Yo: Hip-hop na yes. Yu: One of the best people I've ever known. God bless!

951-960: Anonymous (+63927350***7)
961: Carlo (+639228149229)
962-963: Anonymous (+63918613***0)
964-966: Irish
967-973: Erica
974-979: Anonymous (+63920240***0)
980-993: Abet (+63917866***0)
994-995: Jamie
996-1000: Tekla

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Oct 10, 2006

text messages 901 - 950

Announcement: I'm currently compiling text messages for Halloween to be posted before November 1. Contributions are highly accepted. =) Thanks!


901. I can't be that kind of person others want me to be. I know I can't please everybody for just being me, but I'm glad that there's someone like you who stays beside me, ready to accept whoever the hell I may be! =)

902. They say the world will end soon. They may be right but they could also be wrong. But whatever fate the world may have, I won't allow it to end without telling you, "I'm glad you came along."

903. A true friend is like the best book, sometimes, the cover may not be so elegant but the contents are like bars of gold that you can treasure for a lifetime. Take care!

904. Just read and think. A doll was given to a little girl and she liked it a lot. As time passed by, the doll became dirty and old. The girl's birthday came and she received a new doll to play with. So she threw the old doll and played with the new one. After a few weeks, the new doll started to break. She suddenly realized that the old doll was better. Now, she can never find the old doll. And she had no doll to play with anymore. Who do you think suffered much pain? Yung naglaro o yung pinaglaruan? =)

905. A faithful husband was drunk, he didn't know what was happening around him. Upon going home, he directly entered the room and slept. When morning came, he was amazed. Everything is in order, tablet of aspirin and a glass of water with a note, "Good morning hon, I'll just buy groceries for our dinner! Have your breakfast! Luv u!" He was wondering why was that so, eventhough he was drunk last night. He asked his son, "What happened last night? Why is this so? Your mom should be angry." Son replied, "Mom tried to uncloth you, but you said, 'Stop! I'm married.'"

906. How can you tell when a politician is lying to you? When his lips move! =)

907. A cardiologist died and was put in a heart shaped coffin. Another doctor laughed when he saw it, he was asked why and he said, "I'm just thinking about me, I'm a gynecologist."

908. A kid asked a priest: "Father, besides praying, do you have any other enjoyable past time?" The priest tapped the kid's cheek and calmly replied, "Nun, my child, nun."

909. People may be unkind, just be kind. They may cheat you, just be honest. They may forget your good deeds, just do good. In the end, it's between you and God, not you and them. Good evening!

910. Never let go of anyone that you couldn't go a day without thinking about. There just might be a very good reason why they're always on your mind. Sometimes, it's the brain that knows too well what the heart tries so hard to deny.

911. We bridge distance with text messages. Still we know it fails to fill the space but I hope ours isn't just an exchange of text messages. It's keeping friendship alive.

912. Once there was a mirror who kills anyone who lie. FVR: I think, I don't smoke. (Killed) Cory: I think, I hate yellow. (Killed) GMA: I think, I'm tall. (Killed) Erap: I think (Killed).

913. Brain stuffs. Husband: I heard that fish is a brain food. Wife: You better eat a whale. *** Student: I heard that fish is a brain food. Room mate: Yeah, I eat it all the time. Student: Well, there goes another theory. *** Husband: How long can a man live without brains? Wife: I don't know. How old are you? *** Father: Don't you think our son gets all his brains from me? Mother: Maybe, I still have all mine. *** Don: She's a bright girl. She has brains enough for two. Art: Then, she's just the girl for you.

914. Job interview. Boss: Why should we hire you? Tikyo: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay. Boss: English please. Tikyo: Well, you see, uh, I'm brand new so I'm not yet horny!

915. Ang pagtext ng walang humpay, pambubulabog nang walang sablay, pang-aasar na walang kapantay, mga mensaheng walang saysay, sa Globe, posible!

916. Ano ang sabi ng panda sa photographer? Dude, ayoko ng black and white ha!

917. Huwag kang maging makasarili. Huwag ka ding maging plastik. Kung kailangan mo ng kausap, dito lang ako, takbuhan mo ako at tatakbuhan din kita. Habulan tayo para masaya!

918. Habang binabasa mo ito, alam kong gising ka na! Kasi, paano mo ito mababasa kung tulog ka pa? Gandang umaga! Ingat!

919. Erap returns book to the library, bangs it on the table and says, "Too many characters, no story at all!" Librarian: Ah! Kayo po pala ang kumuha ng telephone directory namin!

920. Ang pagmamahal ay hindi inaasahan, dumarating ng biglaan. Magugulat ka na lang minsan, kapag bumili ka sa tindahan, 1.50 na pala ang isang Boy Bawang! Ang bilis magmahal!

921. Tagalog: Friend, ano ba ang difference ng opinion sa conclusion? Bisaya: Ang tanga mo naman! Papasok ka sa pinto kung opin-yun. Pero con-clus-yon, hindi pwedeng pumasok!

922. Wife: Hon, sino si Trixie? Husband: Ah, kabayo yun! Yung pinustahan ko sa karera. Wife: Ah, ganon? Sige, animal ka! Sagutin mo yung telepono. Tumatawag yung kabayo!

923. Guy1: Papalitan ko na ang name ko. Guy2: Bakit, ano bang pangalan mo? Guy1: Joseph Putingtae! Guy2: Ang pangit nga! Ano naman ang ipapalit mo? Guy1: Ricky Putingtae!

924. Anak: Inay, ano yung 10 commandments? Ina: Iyon ang 10 utos ng Diyos. Anak: Mas mataas po pala kayo sa Diyos. Ina: Bakit? Anak: Mas marami kang utos eh!

925. When I say "Good morning!", it means isip kita. When I say "Ingat ka", it means I pray for your safety. And when I say "Ang cute mo!" it means antok pa ako. Good morning!

926. Maraming humihingi ng puso ko, lahat sila, siguradong mahal ako. Pero kahit ganun, ayoko pa ring ibigay. Kasi, Ikaw.... Ikaw ba naman ang mawalan ng puso, hindi ka kaya mamatay? =)

927. Teacher: Juan, read your 500 words essay to your classmates. Juan: Ok, ma'am! My miming. Bow! I have a miming! My miming is lost. So, I went outside the house and look for my miming! ming! (478x!)

928. Kapag iniwan ka ng taong mahal mo, sabihin mo... PASALUBONG!!

929. Di ba, mahirap kapag may sakit ka? Hindi ka makakain, hirap lumunok. Tapos sasabihin pa ng nanay mo, "Sige na anak, kumain ka na, kahit tatlong kutsara lang." Pagkain nga, ang hirap lunukin, kutsara pa kaya?!

930. When moon and stars at night are gone, and the sun is nowhere to be found at day, there could only be one reason for that. Andun na kay Lumen! Sinungkit na lahat ni Lando!

931. The time I saw you, I admit I can't resist to look at your face. The eyes, cheeks, almost everything seem perfect. Then I said to myself, "Walang duda, si Bakekang ito!"

932. Last night, my pillow saw me sad. He asked, "Why are you crying? Why are those tears falling on me?" Know what I did? Syempre, tumakbo ako! Ikaw kaya ang kausapin ng unan?! English pa!

933. Tatay: Juan, mag-aral ka ha! Juan: Ayoko tay, bobo kasi ako. Hindi ako makaintindi. Tatay: Mag-aral ka nga para makaintindi ka! Juan: Ayoko nga tay! Bakit hindi ka makaintindi? Bobo ka rin ba tay?!

934. Isang lola ang naholdap. Lola: Wala akong pera! Holdaper: Alam ko kung nasaan ang pera mo! (sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni lola) Lola: Ituloy mo iho, may tseke pa sa ibaba!

935. If you see your boyfriend flirting with someone, lapitan mo sya, hilahin at pagpagin mo ang damit nya. Sabay sabi, "Ano ba naman? Malaki ka na, naglalaro ka pa rin ng basura? You know naman di ba? Dirty yan!"

936. Kung dumating ang oras na madilim ang iyong tinatahak na daan at parang wala ka nang makitang sikat ng araw sa iyong buhay, sigurado, gabi na! Good night!

937. Kung gusto mo sya, pero hindi mo masabi, huwag kang matakot. Harapin mo sya, tingnan mo sya sa mata at sabihin mo, "Someday, matitikman din kita! Rarrr!"

938. They say the early bird catches the worm. Sila na lang, hindi naman tayo kumakain ng worm noh? Tulog tayo ulit. Bangon na lang tayo kapag chicken na ang ulam. Good morning!

939. ... Nakikita mo ba yang 3 tuldok na yan?! Mabuti naman! =)

940. We were born beautiful... Some were just born! Devah! hehehe.

941. Bakit ang lamok, hindi naman inaano, nangangagat? Napakayabang! =(

942. It is not who I am underneath, it is what I do that defines me. - Batman. Iniisip nila ay hindi mahalaga, mahal kita maging sino ka man. - Robin. Good night! - Kukote.

943. Funny things about love: You are trying to forget someone kahit hindi mo kaya. Nagmamahal ka nang hindi nya alam. Seryoso sabay loko. Idedelete mo ang number nya, memorize mo naman! Hindi mo mahal pero iniisip mo. Wala kang paki, pero kung mag-alala ka, sobra-sobra. Habang binabasa mo ito, ngumingiti ka, nagkataon lang ba o gawain mo talaga?

944. Importante ang susunod mong mababasa... IMPORTANTE.

945. Daughter: Ma, vegetable po ba ang talong o hayop? Mom: Of course, vegetable. Why? Daughter: Eh why the secretary always says, "Hayop talaga ang talong mo sir!"

946. Nakakita ka na ba ng white lady sa Balete? O matusok ng ice pick sa paglakad sa Tondo? Nakapick-up ka na ba ng prosti sa Quezon Avenue? Napagtripan ng TBS sa Sampaloc? O maparambol sa Sta. Ana? Nadukutan ka na ba sa Divisoria? O naisnatchan ng bag sa Letre? Naholdup ka na ba sa Recto? O maagawan ng cellphone sa Monumento? Tara na! Byahe tayo! Nang ating makita ang ganda ng Pilipinas at galing ng Pilipino!

947. If you are an animal, what would you be? A rabbit or a snail? Rabbits are the most sexually active animals and can have sex many times in a day. Snails live 80 years and will have sex only once in their lifetime, but the orgasm lasts for 18 hours. Would you go for quantity or quality? Ahehehe, choosy ka pa?!

948. Ang pag-aaral, parang beer. Mapait sa simula pero masarap kapag nasanay ka na. Masakit sa ulo at nakakaantok. Ang pagkakaiba lang, mas mura ang beer. Kaya bakit pa tayo mag-aaral? Inuman na lang!

949. Masaya kapag maraming friends! Tawanan, kantsawan, gimik, trippings. Saya, di ba? Minsan nga, naiisip ko, bakit kailangan pang magboyfriend e nandyan naman kayo? Walang cool-off. Walang split! Yun nga lang, walang ka-sex! hehehe.

950. Kapag cute ang friend ko, hindi ko nalilimutan ang pangalan nya! Promise, hindi talaga. Parang ikaw! Hindi ko nakakalimutan ang pangalan mo, kasi cute ka! Tama ba ako? Richard!

901-904, 948-950: Anonymous (+63918613***0)
905-906, 937-947: Erica
907-909: Anonymous (+63920240***0)
910-912: Deejayz
913-920: Abet (+63917866***0)
921-928: Irish
929-936: Tekla

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Oct 4, 2006

text messages 861 - 900

861. If two hearts are meant to be friends, no matter how long it takes, how far they go, how tough it seems, God will bring them together to share friendship forever! Nice morning!

862. God gives us a loving spirit so we can be better persons; not just gifted with a mind that understands but with a heart that truly cares. Good morning!

863. Life is hard but He provides. Life is unpredictable but He guides. Life is unfair but He cares. Life is always a challenge but He watches over us. Good evening!

864. When your life goes wrong, don't waste your time looking back at what you've lost for the road of life was not meant to be travelled backwards, just move on and say, "I'm with God, I will get through."

865. Blind folded and walking alone, that's what most of us feel. In a lifetime full of major risks and decisions, it might seem safer to remain stagnant. But isn't it more fulfilling if despite the fear of falling from a cliff and bruised knees, steps were taken? In the end, losing and mistakes won't count. What matters most is the person we turned out to be. Not naive, but wise and beautifully molded by experiences. Good evening.

866. Rain. Friends. Smiles. Work. Dreams. Sunshine. Wind. Joy. Blue sky. Tears. Words. Reasons. People. Family. Life. You. Just counting my blessings! Good evening!

867. What is the secret of success? "Right Decisions" How do you make right decisions? "Experience" How do you get experience? "Wrong Decisions" =)

868. I'm a person easily overwhelmed by the wonders this world can give. But I would leave all these just to laugh my heart out over cups of coffee on lazy days like this with someone like you! Good morning!

869. Rowing hard doesn't help if the boat is heading the wrong direction. Entrust your life to God and let Him steer it according to His plan and purpose.

870. Lord, when I lose hope because my plans have come to nothing, help me remember that Your love is always greater than my disappointments and Your plans for my life is always better than my dreams.

871. If you're falling for someone pero natatakot kang masaktan, makinig ka. If you're into it, why not? Huwag mong isipin kung saan ka babagsak, malay mo, yung makasalo sa iyo ay yung taong para sa iyo talaga!

872. Kapag masaya ka, masaya rin ako! Kapag bad trip ka, bad trip din ako! Kapag malungkot ka, malungkot din ako! Kapag nasasaktan ka, nasasaktan din ako! Bakit?! Wala lang! Coincidence.

873. I opened the door of your heart and saw that it was full, so full! I couldn't enter anymore. I closed the door and stood outside thinking, "Ang daming pangit, nakakaOP!" =)

874. Erap at Starbucks. Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga! Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba? Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup! Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!

875. Mommy: Ang anak ko? Gifted child ito noh? Sige nga anak, i-prove mo sa kanila. 5268 + 982 + 7605 + 863. What is the sum? Child: The sum is... the center of the solar system! =)

876. Quote for the day: "Kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanya!"

877. A sad love story. Bf: Huhuhu! Gf: Huhu! Bf: Huhu Huhu! Gf: Huhuhuhu! Bf: Hu hu huhuhu! Gf: Huhu hu! Bf: Huhuhuhuhu! Gf: huhu Bf: Huhuhu! Gf: Huhu! How sad! =(

878. Boy-1: Tanungin mo ako ng English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish. Boy-2: What is more important, heart or mind? Boy-1: Spanish.

879. A Chinese caught his wife and her lover in 69 position. The Chinese poked a gun at the man and said, "Kaya pala wala ako anak, ako lagay sperm, ikaw sipsip!" Ewww!

880. Thought of the day: "Lahat ng problema, may solusyon. Kapag walang solusyon, huwag mo nang problemahin." =)

881. The word "miss" is also part of the word "love". So, when someone says, "I miss you!" it also means that they love you! Now, why did I text you? Simply because... may load ako.

882. "Alam mo, balang araw, magiging presidente yang si mayor. Itataya ko itong p*ki ko!" - Cherry Pie Picache in Twilight Dancers.

883. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, fattening, or taken na! Parang wala nang choice kundi magkasala! Hehehe.

884. Punyeta ka! Pengeng french fries!!! Show this at any McDonald's branch and get a free regular french fries. Promo ends till Dec 31, 2006 per DTI NCR permit # 100303.

885. Sino ang dapat gumanap na Bakekang? Si Sunshine Dizon ba? O si Mike Enriquez??

886. Students talking. FEU: Your tuition, it's just my allowance for a week. La Salle: Your tuition is just my allowance for a day. UP: Yeah! Pero final exam nyo, seatwork lang namin!

887. Hirap ng buhay! Husband: Ano ang almusal natin? Wife: Nasa mesa. Bahala ka nang pumili! Husband: Isang tuyo?! Anong pagpipilian ko? Wife: Mamili ka, "Meal or No Meal"!!!

888. Some say that as women grow older, they begin to live a PIOUS life. Pa'yos ng eyes. Pa'yos ng nose. Pa'yos ng face. Pa'yos ng boobs. Pa'yos ng bilbil. Ayos na ang lahat!

889. Masarap daw umibig. May honey, sweetie, gummy bears, cupcake, sugar at marshmallows pa! Hmm... masarap pala! Bakit may umiiyak pa?! Ahh.. siguro kasi, sumakit ang ngipin nila!

890. A toy, a leaf. A toy, a leaf... A toy a leafin mo kahit hindi batid. Aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid!

891. Inside motel after sex, iyak si babae. Man: Huwag kang umiyak, pupunta tayo sa inyo, pakakasalan kita. Woman: Paano kung hindi pumayag ang mister ko?

892. Teenager: Lola, pupunta lang kami sa tipar. Lola: Anong tipar? Teenager: Party! Lola: Puro salitang kalye ang alam nyo! Mga P.S. kayo! Teenager: Anong P.S. lola? Lola: Pakin Shet! =)

893. Sa probinsya. Bisita: Tatang, naiinom po ba yung tubig dito? Tatang: Nasa iyo yan anak, kung gusto mong nguyain. May point sya! Hahaha!

894. Live fully, have fun, be crazy, be weird, go out and syempre, manlalaki! Don't try to be perfect, just be an excellent example of being maganda! Go dioza!

895. Lasing: Ipako ang mga bakla! Bakla: Takbo mga sister, takbo! Lasing: Ang gagamiting pako ay t*ti! Bakla: Balik mga sister! P*tang ina! Balik!!!

896. Love story ng pokpok at addict. Adik: Will you marry me? Pokpok: Oo, pero ok lang ba sa iyo kahit meron akong past? Adik: Oo, ok lang! Wala naman akong future eh! Hehehe.

897. Sa pag-ibig, lahat tayo, may diskarte. Yung iba, words. Yung iba, actions. Eh ikaw, anong diskarte mo? Basta ako, "Atras si Kris, abante ako!!!"

898. Want to hear a fairy tale? Once upon a time, Cinderella was so horny. So, she put Pinnochio's nose between her legs and shouted, "Magsinungaling ka, bilis!" Hehehe.

899. Si baby centipede, lumapit kay papa centipede. Bumulong, nahimatay si papa centipede. Ano kaya ang sinabi ng anak? Sagot: Pa, bilhan mo naman ako ng Havaianas!

900. Kung may problema ka, huwag kang magpapakamatay. Isipin mo, kabaong - 10000, burol - 3500, libing - 5000, kape at biskwit - 1500. Kaya kapag may problema ka, itext mo ako. Red horse - 25 lang!

861-863, 874: Joan
864-868: Abet (+63917866***0)
869-873: Deejayz
875-885: Erica
886-890: Tekla
891-898: Anonymous (+63918613***0)
899-900: Carlo (+639228149229)

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Oct 3, 2006

text messages 821 - 860

821. Today is wish making day. If you are reading this SMS, may God bless you and may all your wishes come true and have a good time in all the stages of your life. Just wish anything and forward this SMS to all your friends including me and if you get back this SMS thrice, it means your wish will surely come true.

822. News Flash! Danielle Radcliffe better known as Harry Potter is gay! He admitted it in The Insider. =)

823. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. Know a good thing when you see it, and don't let it slip away. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.

824. Everything in life is temporary, because everything changes. That's why it takes great courage to love someone knowing it might end anytime.

825. One of the reasons why people hold on to memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change, when everything else does.

826. People have different outlooks in love. But whatever are those, there's a single truth behind everyone's heartache. "Love hurts when God knows we deserve someone else."

827. If you are trapped between your feelings and what other people think is right, always go for whatever makes you happy. Unless you want everybody to be happy for you except you being happy for yourself.

828. Be happy when God answers your prayer. But be more thankful when God makes you the answer to someone else's. "Ikaw yun for me!"

829. It's not one great deed that defines who you are. It's the little good things you do to others day by day that count. Carry on! People may not notice but God does. ;)

830. Never let go of a dream until you are ready to wake up and make it happen. Trials in life are not to make us fail but to see how far we can conquer.

831. Life is only travelled once. Today's moment becomes tomorrow's memory. Enjoy every moment, good or bad, because the gift of life is life itself. God bless.

832. Believe while others doubt. Work while others wish. Save while others waste. Persevere while others quit. Pray and stay while others stray! Dare to be different!

833. People change no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older, you mature and with each new level of maturity comes different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at 20 could be the person you hate when you are 35. Find someone who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person? He/She doesn't exist. There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other.

834. It's not how well you jump over the obstacles nor how fast you get to the top but how often you stop to appreciate the simple things in life which makes life worthwhile. Good day!

835. All my life, I've been looking for something to satisfy and make me happy. You know it's right when they say that happiness can be found in the simplest things, and I found it in 7 letters. "FRIENDS"

836. God saw your parents hungry, He created pizzas. God saw they are thirsty, He created Pepsi. He saw them walking, He created car. He saw them without problems, He created you! =)

837. Ku ka ki ka ka ku kata ke ko ku kika ki kuka ko kika. Kuko kiku kuki ka. Congratulations! You have successfully learned the monkey language! Come and claim your banana!

838. Dying husband: I have something to tell you. Wife: Don't speak, just rest. Husband: No, I must confess, I had sex with your sister and your best friend. Wife: Sshhh. I know! That's why I poisoned you!

839. Ang love, parang sintas ng sapatos. Dalawang dulo ang kailangan para mapagbuhol, pero isang dulo lang ang kailangan para kumalas. - Mr. Quickie.

840. Why do others lie to their mate? Sabi, to avoid confrontations and pain daw. Eh mga engot pala sila eh, hindi ba nila alam na the truth hurts for a while but a lie hurts forever!

841. Sa lahat ng mga quotes, ito ang pamatay! Bang! (+.+) Hehehe!

842. Pedro: Pare, pinapili ako ng misis ko, pag-ibig daw ba o kaibigan? Juan: So, kaya ka nandito ngayon dahil pinili mo ang kaibigan? Pedro: Pare, hindi eh. Pag-ibig ang pinili ko. I love you, pare!

843. Nainis din ako nung nabasa ko ito...

844. Bakit ang tao, minsan nalilito? Minsan naliligaw? Saan ba sya dapat pumunta? Sa taong mahal nya, o sa taong mahal sya? Ikaw? Saan ka pupunta? Ako, sa kwarto. Matutulog na. Good night!

845.Teacher: Kung meron akong limang anak na babae at pitong anak na lalake sa una kong mister at apat na anak sa pangalawa kong mister, samakatuwid... Student: Samakatuwid, ilusyunada at ambisyosa ka sir! Bakla ka sir! Bakla! Classmates, bakla si sir! Nyahahaha!

846. Lola: Sino yang kasama mo? Apo: Boyfriend ko po. Lola: Aba, bata ka pa, lumalandi ka na! Pasok sa loob! At ikaw lalaki... "Doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" Apo: Lola, ang landi moh!

847. Ilusyunada! Kahit kailan, hindi yan mangyayari dahil pangit ka. Panget, panget, panget! Panget ka! - Vangie Labalan, Bakekang.

848. Judge: Isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord, swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay? Accused: Aba'y meron po sir, pulis po ako!

849. Ang mga babae daw ay parang alak. Edad 17-18, lasang Shandy. 19-25, like Champagne. 26-35, Brandy. 36-45, Whisky. 46-50, Ginebra. 51-55, Rubbing Alcohol. 56 up, formalin.

850. Sabi nila, ang panget daw, itinadhana para sa maganda at gwapo. Napaupo ako sa isang tabi... Badtrip! Ibig sabihin, para sa pangit ako?!

851. Bakit may litrato ng boyfriend ang mga babae sa wallet? Kasi, para pag may problema, tititigan nya at sasabihin sa sarili, "Kung ito nga, nakayanan ko, ibang problema pa kaya!"

852. Sa buhay, lahat ng first ay masarap. First love, first kiss, first date, first... Hmmm, basta lahat ng first, kaya nga I want to be the first one to greet you. Merry Christmas! Hehehe.

853. Guro: Anong meron sa Pangasinan? Jinggoy: Hundred Islands! Guro: Sa Albay? Bong: Bulkang Mayon! Guro: Eh sa Banaue? Lito Lapid: Uhm, Kwan po ma'am, car accessories! =)

854. Man asks pet shop owner how much is parrot on the left. "$50,000 because he knows how to work Windows and Office." How much is parrot on the right? "$80,000 because he knows how to make and administer a website." How about the parrot on the middle? "$100,000, I don't know what he does but the other parrots call him boss."

855. Konserbatibong bagong kasal sa kanilang honeymoon. Lalaki: Darling, ok lang bang pasukin ko ang hindi pa napapasok ng iba? Babae: Darling, hindi kaya ako mabingi?

856. Marami ang nagtatanong sa akin kung bakit daw lagi akong masaya. Akala nila, wala akong problema. Ngumiti na lang ako at sinabi na, "Marami akong problema, maganda lang talaga ako kaya hindi halata."

857. Ako, bad, maingay, magulo, makulit, tigas ulo, at higit sa lahat, pasaway. Pero ito lang ang masasabi ko sa iyo... isa ka pa! Hehehe.

858. James Yap: Kris, panglima na ba ako na lalaki sa buhay mo? Kris Aquino: Hindi ha, sa totoo lang, thirty-something na! =)

859. What is shock? It is when a man is having sex with a pregnant woman and suddenly, a hand grabs his dick from the inside!

860. What do you call a naked, sexy, beautiful woman on the arm of an ugly poor man? Eh, di tatoo!

821-827, 839-847: Erica
828-833: Jamie
834-838, 848-852: Anonymous (+63920240***0)
853-860: Abet (+63917866***0)

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