text messages 621 - 660

621. In a world where everybody meets a jerk, you know you don't need to be serious. Hangout, pretend and play with them. Have fun and stop; no attachment, no commitment, no pain. Convenient, isn't it? But at the end of the show, you know you're still yearning for something genuine. You realized that what you are really looking for is someone who can look at you straight in the eyes and tell you he/she loves you, someone worth every risk of pain, someone who will stay, someone who will simply make a difference...

622. "E" is the most unfortunate character in the alphabet. It is always out of "cash", forever in "debt", never out of "danger" and in "hell" all the time. But notice that "e" is never in "war" and always in "peace." It's the beginning of "existence" and the end of "trouble." Without "e", we would have no "love", "life" or "heaven." Go E!

623. I love sleep... My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake. - Ernest Hemingway.

624. I think that sometimes we love a person so much that we have to be numb to it; because if we actually felt how much we really love, then it would kill us.

625. Some won't appreciate what you say or do, but as long as you speak honestly from the heart, you'll be fine. This is not a perfect world. This is not a perfect life. But life loves the person who dares to live it by being real. Bon Jour!

626. Cook your own breakfast by mixing happiness, faith and wisdom; add a little understanding, a pint of hope and a spoonful of love; top with a lot of smiles! Good morning!

627. We may never talk, we may never laugh, we may never do things together, but our friendship doesn't limit to that. What's important is when there's no one to turn to, I'd be there to stand by you.

628. Sometimes in life, we tend to run so fast that we don't notice God running with us. We only notice Him when we fall, yet He stops, carries us and says, "Finish the race my child." Good day!

629. I'm giving you a part of my friendship not because you deserve it. But I guess, it already belongs to you. It might not be enough, it might be too small, but this little part could probably be my all. Good morning!

630. Always remember that God only makes happy endings. If it's not happy, then, it's not yet the end. Live by love and hope, there is always something to look forward to. God bless.

631. Put God on top of everything today and let Him take charge of all your plans. Then you'll see how beautiful His ways are and His unending love. Good day!

632. What is wrong with your phone? I tried calling you, but the operator said, "Welcome to the jungle! The monkey you are trying to call in on the tree. Please, try again later."

633. Real person are not those who are always around you when everything is almost perfect. They are the ones who dig deep into the ground when you're down just to put you up and say, "Everything's gonna be alright."

634. Army: I'm going to buy my wife a bra but I don't know the size. Saleslady: Don't worry sir, just touch my breast and try to estimate. Army: Oh, I forgot! She needs panty too!

635. Lion to mouse: "I'm getting married soon. What's the best advice you can give me?" Mouse: "Remember this, I was once a lion before I got married."

636. A little boy was so jealous about his newborn brother so he put poison on the nipple of his mom while asleep. The next day, their driver died!

637. When things go wrong, when everything you've tried didn't work out, when all else fails, and you feel things hanging... Control+Alt+Del... restart mo na yan!

638. Short story... 2 friends, See and Saw. One day, See saw sea and Saw didn't see sea. See saw sea and jumped in sea. Saw didn't see sea but jumped in sea. See saw Saw in sea and Saw saw See in sea. See saw both Saw and sea and both Saw and See were happy to see sea. Kung henyo ka, ikwento mo naman sa akin ng mas malinaw.

639. Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang ang toothbrush ko! Sister: Sandali, nakapanty lang ako! Pari: Ok, antay ako. Sister: Pasok na, wala na akon panty! Hihihi!

640. Three boys at the mall: Boy1: Shit, ang cute naman nung girl! Boy2: Sexy pa! Grabe! Boy3: Sino? Yung nakamini-skirt? Kilala ko sya, tawagin ko ha?! Kuyaaaah! =)

641. Jr: I know the truth, Mom! Mom: Ha?! Ito P500, huwag ka lang maingay sa daddy mo ha? Jr: Dad, I know the truth! Dad: Ha?! Ito P1000, huwag ka lang maingay sa mommy mo ha! Jr: (Ok pala ito! Subukan ko nga din sa katulong namin.) Inday! Alam ko na ang katotohanan! Inday: Sa wakas! Yakapin mo ako, anak ko!

642. Marami ang nagsasabi na makulit daw ako. Totoo ba? Na makulit ako? Ha? Totoo ba? Ano? Totoo ba? Sagoooot! Totoo ba? Ha? Ha? Totoo? Ano? Totoo? Huuyy! Ano? Makulit ba ako? Makulit ba? Hindi naman di ba? Sagot! Bakit hindi ka sumagot? Kulit ko ba talaga? Hindi naman, di ba? Baka ikaw ang makulit! Kaw pala ang makulit, pindot ka pa ng pindot eh. Kita mo, ikaw ang makulit! O, pumipindot pa rin! O, kulit! Oh, ano? Pindot ka pa rin? Bahala ka! Wala na, pindot pa rin ng pindot! Sino ngayon ang makulit? Ikaw!

643. I ask God to bless you, guide you, keep you safe, give you peace, give you love and joy and cash everyday. Ok yon, di ba?

644. Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain! Juan: Maniwala ako?! Pedro: Totoo! Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo? Pedro: Asin!

645. Nurse: Miss, gising na! Patient: Ah, bakit? Nurse: Oras na ng pag-inom ng gamot. Patient: Anong gamot? Nurse: Sleeping pills.

646. Boy Guwapo + Girl Ganda = Perfect Couple. Boy Guwapo + Girl Panget = True Love. Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Galing Diskarte. Boy Panget + Girl Panget = SUKOB!

647. Kano: (trying to speak tagalog) Megkanow isang kelow mang-gow? Pinoy: One way! Kano: Megkanow? Pinoy: I said one way! Kano: Ano eybig sabeyhin one way? Pinoy: Isang daan!

648. Parrot sa dumadaang babae: Panget! Panget! Babae: Kapag sinabi mo pa ulit yan sa akin, papatayin na kita! Next day. Parrot: Psst! Babae: Bakit?! Parrot: Alam mo na! =)

649. It's my obligation to pray for you, to make you happy and comfort you. When you're down, I will lift your spirits. Wala naman akong choice eh, ganyan ang papel ng mga angels.

650. Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak? Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu! Ama: Aba, magaling! Anong subject yun, anak? Anak: Pregnancy test po itay!

651. Madaming gago sa mundo at handa silang gaguhin ka, pero hindi nila alam, may kaibigan ka na mas gago sa kanila. Subukan lang nilang gaguhin ka, gagaguhin ko ang kapwa ko gago kapag nasaktan ka!

652. Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas! Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?! Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh. =)

653. Minsan, nakukuha kong tumawa kahit malungkot. Nakukuha kong magbago kahit sobrang hirap. Nakukuha kong ngumiti sa mga problema. Lahat yata, makakaya ko, huwag lang yung kalimutan ako ng nagbabasa nito.

654. Kapag balisa ka, remember God's promise. Kapag inis ka, control yourself. Kapag may problema, pray. At kapag wala kang pera, isipin mo ako. Kasi, hindi ka nag-iisa. Wala din akong pera! Hehehe.

655. One great problem in life is loneliness. But somehow, texting gives relief. It's like making a tap at the back saying, "Ayos ka lang ba dyan? Eto lang ako ha, ingat!"

656. Binata: Ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo. Ale: Huwag muna. Nag-aaral pa sya. Binata: Sige po, kapag uwian na lang nila.

657. Even though you're far away, always remember that I'm here to stay. So, if ever you're lonely and blue, pacheck-up ka oy! Walang taong blue! Ano ka, si Doraemon?! Hehehe.

658. Thought of the Day: Kapag binuhat ba kita at binuhat mo ako ng sabay, lulutang ba tayo pareho?

659. What is the best and worst news a man might hear at the same time? It's when your girlfriend says, "Ikaw talaga ang may pinakamalaking etits sa lahat ng kabarkada mo!" =)

660. Sa simbahan, isang bata: Lord, bigyan nyo po ako ng bike! Kinabukasan, wala syang natanggap kaya humiling ulit sya: Lord, bigyan nyo ako ng bike!! Pero wala pa ring natanggap. The next day, napansin ng pari na nawala ang rebulto ni Mama Mary! May nakita syang sulat sa altar: "Lord, kung gusto mo pang makita ang mama mo, bigyan mo ako ng bike!"

Contributors:
621-625, 637-641: Erica
626-632, 651-655: Deejayz
633-634: Anonymous (+63920240***0)
635, 656: Abet (+63917866***0)
636: Lojik
642-643: Joan
644-650: Tekla
657: Major
658: Erlyn
659: Tin
660: Jenasarang

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text messages
funny text messages
inspirational text messages

text messages 581 - 620

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581. I ain't someone whom you can rely on all the time. I can't always turn your tears into smiles, but even if I can't be a great person at all, still, I'm trying to be the simplest person you can count on.

582. I believe my life is like a jeepney and I am the driver. Some people are coming in and out of my life. Some of them I remember, some of them I don't. But you? You will always be my special passenger.

583. Good morning! May Christ shine in everything you do. With a prayer that you'll be safe not only today but always. God bless.

584. I might have forgotten to tell your worth. I might have missed to say you're appreciated. But your existence goes beyond my happiness and that no words can ever express how fulfilled I am of you being my friend.

585. Life is a continuous challenge, a constant struggle from womb to tomb. We are not made rich by what is in our pockets, but by what is in our hearts.

586. Friendship is like a job. At first, we are applicants, then we become contractuals and if our performance is good, we become regular. Except for one thing, a friend can work even without salary.

587. He said, "I'm sorry if you can't love me the way you loved the one before me, so I'll let you go to find him and hope someday, you'll see that the one true love you are looking for is the one who set you free."

588. Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. - Victor Hugo, Les Miserables.

589. The person meant for you is the person who will love you even when there's no more reason to love you. For in your nothingness, the one meant for you will find what's lovable in you.

590. When things turn out bad and your strength is no longer enough to carry them, you must never give up, because when your strength ends, my worth as your friend begins.

591. Sometimes, we are in love in the idea of falling in love. Loving the illusion of having or missing someone. It's alright to feel happy thru other people, but don't get dependent on achieving happiness by being with someone. Love yourself first before sharing your life with somebody, because if you don't, you will always look for people that you think can make you complete. And in the end, it will make you lose yourself more, bit by bit, piece by piece.

592. Do you know why God created gaps between fingers? So that someday, the one who is made by God for you will come and fill those gaps by holding your hands forever.

593. Forget the things that made you sad and remember those that made you glad. Forget the troubles that passed away and remember the blessings that come each day. Good morning!

594. When you miss someone, your heart starts to shout that person's name. For some reason, my heart just won't stop shouting your name. I guess, you are smart enough to figure out what I mean. =)

595. Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you felt so empty for no reason? Have you ever felt so down but you just can't tell why? Have you ever felt like the world suddenly spins around you, and you are caught in the middle going nowhere? Weird, isn't it? But that's the beauty of being human... it is knowing that there is a purpose for each existence, and whatever that may be, it is also the reason why we still wake up breathing each morning, to discover that missing piece of puzzle that would make our lives complete. Have a nice sleep!

596. Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it or work around it. Good morning!

597. Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet bowl. Husband: How does that help? Wife: I use your toothbrush.

598. Hubby and wife travelling by car, not talking after quarrel. Passing farm of goats, mules and pigs, hubby asked sarcastically, "Relative of yours?" Wife replied, "Yup, in-laws!"

599. Can you beat this logic? A man and his wife were getting divorce at a local court. The mother wants the custody of their children, but the father also wants the same. The mother said to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain the custody of them. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from the chair and said, "Judge, if I put a dollar into a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belongs to me or to the machine?"

600. A man reads a book in bed next to his wife and his finger went to tickle his wife's pussy. Wife asks, "You want sex?" "No, just to wet my fingers to turn the page!"

601. May mga lalakeng ok sa malayuan, talo naman sa malapitan. Tawag sa kanila, mga lalakeng uy! ay! Uy! Ang cute nya! Ay, bading pala! Sapul ba? Toink!

602. Apo: Lola, 99 na kayo ni lolo, ano ang ikinamatay nya kanina? Lola: Apo, nagmake-love kami. Sinasabayan nya ang church bell, dahan-dahan lang. Kaso, may dumaang sorbetero. =)

603. Mag-asawa, nag-aaway. Babae: Punyeta ka! Lalake: Punyeta ka rin! Babae: Tarantado! Lalake: Tarantado ka rin! Babae: Supot! Lalake: Yun nga lang... =)

604. Man1: May tatlong joke ako. Man2: Ano yun? Man1: Joke, joke joke!

605. Sexy girl nagkukumpisal. Priest: O iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal? Sexy: Father, kapag nakakarinig po ako ng lalakeng nagmumura, hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong yayain syang magsex. Priest: Put*ng ina, hindi nga?! =)

606. Kagabi, nanaginip ako, kumakain daw ako ng cotton candy. Maraming cotton candy. Pagkagising ko, wala na ang unan ko!

607. Bawat kabataan, may karapatan. Karapatang gumala, umuwi anytime, makipagdate sa dyowa. Magalit man ang parents mo, sabihin mo, "Sa bahay na ito, ako ang batas!" Sabay takbo!

608. Minsan, puro ako biro, laging parang nakadrugs, lagi na lang nakatawa. Pero sana, maniwala ka sa akin, nagseseryoso din ako. Ako, ako ang magliligtas sa mundo, maniwala ka pare. =)

609. Babala: Huwag laruin ang puso ng babae dahil nag-iisa lang ito. Ok lang laruin ang suso, dalawa naman ito.

610. Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko! Dad: Bakit? Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko. Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba? Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.

611. Juan: Inay, si Pedro, hindi ako pinagkape sa burol ng tatay nya. Nanay: Hayaan mo anak, kapag namatay ang tatay mo, hindi rin natin sya pagkakapehin.

612. Shhh, ayon sa survey, sa ganitong oras daw, ang mga cute ay nagtetext na at ang mga pangit ay nagbabasa pa! Hehehe! Ipasa mo, dali! Para ikaw naman ang cute!

613. Read each word reversely. A suomaf rotcod dlot em taht ylno latnem stneitap evah eht tnelat ot daer SMS neve nehw sti nettirw ylesrever. Oh, nabasa mo?

614. Prof: Meron bang tanga dito sa klase? Kung meron, tumayo! (May tumayong estudyante.) Prof: Tanga ka ba? Estudyante: Naawa lang ako sa iyo sir. Ikaw lang ang nakatayo eh, samahan na kita.

615. Ngayon ay araw ng mga magaganda at gwapo, mga sexy at matalino. Send this sa taong iniisip mong bumabagay sa message na ito. Huwag mo nang isend sa akin dahil libo-libo na ang natanggap ko!

616. Ei! Baka may friend ka na gustong magwork. P18,500 ang starting. Sa palengke nga lang... tagalista ng noisy!

617. Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda? Mr: Oo naman. Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako? Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.

618. Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito ang listahan ng mga favorite nyang pagkain. Maid: Opo, sir. Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!

619. Kulas: Siopao nga, yung babae. Waitress: Babae? Kulas: Oo, yung may papel na sapin, parang napkin. Waitress: Ah! Lalake ang nandito. Kulas: Lalake? Waitress: May itlog po!

620. Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko? Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa. Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?! Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!

Contributors:
581-583: Joan
584-586: Deejayz
587-592, 599-609: Erica
593: Randy (+63918643***6)
594, 611-615: +63920240***0
595: Wendy
596-597, 617-620: Abet (+63917866***0)
598: Tekla
610. Tin
616. Erlyn

Technorati Tags:
text messages
funny text messages
inspirational text messages

text messages 541 - 580

541. Three people you will meet in life: First is the one you love most, second is the one who loves you most and the third is the one you spend the rest of your life with. Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person. The one you love most doesn't love you. The one who loves you the most is never the one you love the most, and the one you spend your life with, is neither the one you love nor the one who loves you the most. He/she is just the person who happens to be a the right place at the right time.

542. There will come a time in your life when you will fall in love with a single soul. For this person, you would do anything and not think twice about it, but when asked why, you have no answer. You will try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you, but you'll never find out. And no matter how badly you hate it or how badly it hurts, you will love this person without regret, for the rest of your life.

543. You will never realize how much you care about a person until the thought of him/her being with someone else is enough to break your heart.

544. Sometimes, we dream on ideal love we wanted. When it comes, we give the best to hold on to it, but though we gave more than enough, they still hurt us for the reason we don't understand.

545. Man went to confession. Man: Father, during the war, a beautiful young lady asked me to hide her from the enemy, so I hid her in the attic. Father: That's a very good gesture, you need not confess. Man: But as the days went, she repaid me with daily sexual favors. Father: That is still forgiven my son. Man: But I have another question. Father: What is it my son? Man: Shall I tell her the war is over? =)

546. Lady: Teach me how to play badminton. Coach: Hold the racket the way you hold your husband's cock. Lady: Ok. Coach: No! No! Ma'am, please take the racket out of your mouth! Hahaha!

547. My doctor once told me that a great friend by my side is good for my health. So, if I want to live longer, I must stick with you forever. Good night!

548. Your life doesn't need to be perfect, you don't need to be rich, you don't need to be famous, as long as a friend like me exists, jackpot ka! Cute na, mahal ka pa! =)

549. I know how busy you are right now. I know you have so many things to do. But I just want to steal a single moment of your time to ask... Kapamilya: Deal or No Deal?

550. Who said fill in the blank is very easy? Try this. Fill in the blank with Yes or No. "___, I am not a normal person."

551. Friendship is a collection of hearts, ready to give, share and understand. It never fades and never ends. It only reminds us, life is not perfect without a friend.

552. Life is like the ocean, now troubled, later calm. Full of trials, filled with tests. But even how big the waves are, and no matter how high the tide is, always remember that, "Tide is mirakol!" Good night!

553. I showed a picture of myself to you and said, "Tingnan mo oh, tayong dalawa." But you said, "Asan ako?" Then, I pointed at my chest and smiled, "Nandito ka sa puso ko."

554. Wife stands in front of a mirror and tells husband, "I'm ugly, my boobs are sagging, my ass is too fat. Give me a compliment." Husband: "You have a very good eyesight."

555. What makes life wonderful? Friends, to share the great moments in life. Friends, to take the blues away. Friends, that make you smile all the time! Good day!

556. Real beauty is not based on physical features but in the heart. Yan ang motto ng mga pangit! Ito ang sa atin... With good looks comes great responsibility! Good morning!

557. As the sky breaks into a beautiful sunrise, may God open the heavens to shower you lots of love and happiness and make your day a truly meaningful one. Have a nice day!

558. I wish you wake up this morning realizing what a wonderful person you are and the world is blessed to have you as a part of it. Enjoy life! Good morning!

559. Imagine life without me. (long spaces) See?! Hahanapin mo ako. Don't worry, I'll never leave you. I'm always here for you.

560. Caring is a wonderful gift that no one can buy. It is made up of love that roots in our hearts to make fruits of memory not just for a while but for a lifetime. Good morning!

561. The important element of closeness is communication, that's the reason why my fingers are still pressing the keys on my phone, because I don't want to cut the line that connects us. Good day!

562. Ahas1: Makamandag ba tayo? Ahas2: Ewan, bakit? Ahas1: Nakagat ko ang dila ko kanina eh, kinakabahan ako.

563. Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo! Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa! Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!

564. Hindi ko na kayang mabigo sa love. Kaya kumuha ako ng taling matibay, itinali ko sa puno. Sabi ng mga kapitbahay, "Huwag, mahal ka namin!" Sabi ko, "Eh ano naman? Magsasampay lang ako, nakikialam kayo!"

565. Love, love, love, ipasok mo na! Sige na, bilisan mo! Bilis, basa na! Basang basa na, ipasok mo na! Ipasok mo na, bilis! Ipasok mo na ang mga isinampay kong damit at umuulan na!

566. Para sa makulit, pero mabait. Para sa sabog, pero kalog. Para sa mapang-asar, pero thoughtful. Para sa maloko, pero cute. Para sa akin pala ito?! Pakisend nga ulit!

567. Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US. Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod. Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.

568. Tumabi ako sa iyo at huminga ng malalim. Tinanong mo ako, "Bakit?" Ngumiti ako. Nagtanong ka ulit, "Bakit nga?" Sumagot ako, "Bakit ba? Masama bang huminga?"

569. Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like., because the one you like will leave you for the one they love. Minikaniko ni Moniko ang makina ni Monica. Bituka, butika, butiki. Pasko, paksiw, pasko, paksiw. Tongue twister lang, akala mo, inspirational? =)

570. Reporter: Sir, do you watch CNN? Pinoy: Walang oras. R: Do you read books? P: Walang oras. R: Do you play golf? P: Walang oras. R: Do you drink wine or liquor? P: Walong oras!

571. Husband: Hindi ako makatulog, lagi kong naiisip ang utang ko kay pare na dalawang milyong piso. Wife: Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mo, hindi ka makakabayad para sya naman ang hindi makatulog.

572. GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan? Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na "Sugarfree." GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!

573. Teacher: Magbigay ng halimbawa ng may number. Boy: Cellphone, calculator, keyboard, clock at remote control! Teacher: Very good. Ano pa? Boy: Ang tatay ko pa. May number 2!

574. Frat leader: Balita ko, gay ka?! Member: Hindi ako bakla! Chismax lang yun ng mg chuvanes na walang magawa sa mga chenelyn nila! Mga chaka ever! Me, Baklush? Haller?!

575. Ang ulan, handa ka man o hindi, bumubuhos. Pero sa tuwing papatak ito, may isang taong handang mabasa kasama mo. Sya yung taong wala ring payong! Of course! =)

576. Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. Count the money in your pocket, and then, hati tayo! Wow!

577. Pare1: Hihiwalayan ko na ang Misis kong sinungaling. Natulog daw sya kagabi sa ate nya. Pare2: Anong masama dun? Pare1: Pare, katabi kong natulog ang ate niya kagabi!

578. Sa isang kumbento, may naghagis ng ti** ng kabayo. Nagkagulo, nagsigawan at nag-iyakan ang mga madre sabay sabing, "Huhuhu, mga sisters, patay na si father!"

579. Ice cream ba talaga yung inendorse in Pacquiao sa TV ad nya na Nestle Ice Cream? Akala ko kasi, softdrinks. Kasi, sabi nya, "Oh mga bata, Mirinda na!" Lufet!

580. A priest at a church. Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari? Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!


Contributors:
541-546, 574-580: Erica
547-548: Jenasarang
549-553, 565: +63920240***0
554-556, 567-573: Abet (+63917866***0)
557-559, 566: Joan
560: Randy (+63918643***6)
561-562: Deejayz
563-564. Major

Technorati Tags:
text messages
funny text messages
inspirational text messages

text messages 501 - 540

501. Prayer is a perfume to our soul and a fragrance that pleases God. Wear your prayer everyday and let it freshen you anytime, anywhere you go. Have a blessed and sweet-scented day!

502. You might be sending messages that I might erase. But the thought that you cared and spent your time for me is something that will last forever.

503. The more silently love is expressed, the more it is deeply bound to impress. No wonder God loves us in silence and gives us the miracles of having friends.

504. Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

505. Love is not a matter of finding the right person but creating the right relationship.

506. To be in love is to be living in a dream come true.

507. You eased the pain when I faked the wound. You calmed me down when I faked the mood. You are instantly there when I faked the call. But why didn't you catch me? I did not fake the fall!

508. They say nothing in the world is perfect. But I know one exception, the joining of our two hearts.

509. American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino: Use my name 4x in a sentence. Pedro: "Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimming Paul!" Galing ng Pinoy!

510. With my 1 heart, 2 eyes, 5 liters of blood, 206 bones, 1.2 million red blood cells, 60 trillion DNA, I want you to know that... Gusto ko lang magyabang about anatomy! Hahaha!

511. Once a book of friendship was opened, it should never be closed again. A living book meant to be read and enjoyed forever. I hope our book of friendship never be closed!

512. Kapag ako patay na, punta ka sa burol ko ha? Alam ko, lalapit ka sa kabaong ko para mang-asar at sabihing... "Walanghiya ka kukote! Minsan ka na lang magpainom, bakit kape pa?" Hehehe.

513. Life is like a road that we should pass thru till its very end. But if one day, you feel you're tired walking, I will comfort you in my arms sabay sabi, "May jeep naman kasi, bakit nilakad mo?"

514. Q: How will a gentleman say to his dinner date that he needs to go to the toilet? A: Excuse me, I have to shake hands with a friend of mine who hopes to meet you after dinner. =)

515. Translate in English: May baliw, gumahasa ng labandera at tumakas. NUT SCREWS WASHER and BOLTS.

516. Customer: Miss, pabili ng condom, yung medium. Tindera: Dito sir, isukat nyo sa fitting room. Customer: Maluwang! Tindera: Sige lang sir, yan ang uso ngayon. Hip hop!

517. Mother superior: Hala, layas dito sa kumbento! Madre: Bakit po? Dahil po ba sa paggamit ko ng vibrator? Mother superior: Hindi, ayoko lang may nakikiaalam sa gamit ko!

518. While I was walking alone, something special happened, I can't believe what I saw.. Gems!... Yap! Ang tangkad pala nya noh? Kasama pa nya si Kres!

519. Mrs1: O mare, bakit ka umiiyak? Mrs2: Nag-away kami ni pare, gusto nya, sex kami, style aso, tumanggi ako! Mrs1: Masarap naman yun! Mrs2: Masarap nga, kaso, gusto nya, sa kalsada! Ngek!

520. I miss the TIMES.. and also the PLUS, MINUS, pati na rin DIBAYDIBAY! Hehehe. Ikaw? Miss mo rin ba?

521: Lovers making love: Gf: Alam mo love, ikaw lang ang nakapagkama sa akin! Bf: Swerte ko naman! Gf: Oo naman! Kasi, yung iba, sa sala, kusina, lababo, kubeta, kulungan, damuhan at marami pa! =)

522. Minsan, sa buhay natin, hindi maiiwasang mabasa ng ulan, maranasan ang bagyo. Pero sa mga pagkakataong ito, tandaan mo kaibigan, payong ang dalhin mo, huwag kapote. Ano ka, Grade 1?

523. "Happy 40 thoughtful years, Goldilocks!" Send this to 40 people within 2 days or else, magiging cake ka! Totoo ito! Yung friend ko, naging cake na. Black forest na sya.. promise!

524. Lucio Tan said, if a man has only 1 wife, wife often fights man; if man has 2 wives, wives fight each other; but if man has 4 wives, the wives play mahjong.

525. Higa kita sa kama. Tapos, huhubaran kita. Hahalikan kahit saan. Hahaplusin ko buong katawan mo! Tapos, tatanggalin ko ang Diaper mo. Baby, don't cry ha!

526. Anak: Nay, ano ba yung sex? Ina: Yun ang ginagawa ng mag-asawa para ipadama ang pagmamahal nila sa isa't isa. Anak: Haba naman. Paano ko pagkakasyahin yun sa biodata? =)

527. IQ Test: A farmer has 12 cows and 5 pigs. One day, he went to the market with 2 cows and 3 pigs not knowing that 6 cows followed him on the way. The question is, will he... Revillame?

528. Sa panaginip ko, naglalaro tayo sa tabing dagat, bigla ka na lang tinangay ng malaking alon! Umiyak ako at sumigaw! "Loko kang alon ka ah! Ano bang akala mo sa kaibigan ko? Tae?!"

529. In a petshop, customer talking to a parrot, "Hoy! Can you speak ha? Can you speak? Bobo!" Parrot: "Yes, I can!! Ikaw? Can you fly, ha? Can you fly? Gago!"

530. Ito ang chain message na siguradong ipapasa mo: "Magkakaringworm sa pwet ang huling makakareceive nito." Sori na lang sa mga walang load!

531. Letter to OFW Dad: Love, thanks sa padala mo. Happy si Nene kasi yung toblerone, baon nya sa school. Yung Nike, suot na ni junior. Next time, huwag ka nang magpadala ng Nivea Milk. Hindi nila type, pait daw. Ako tuloy ang umubos.

532. Isang gabi, naglayas ako, naligaw sa mundo, nadapa, umiyak, naghabol, nasugatan, pero tumayo ulit. Galing noh? Isang gabi lang yun!

533. Girl: Maganda ba ako? Boy: Oo, kaya lang bumbayin ka. Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang bumbay ah. Tisay yata to! Boy: Tanga! Bumbayin ang amoy mo! Para kang shawarma.

534. Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo? Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako. =)

535. Fact 1: You cannot touch your lower lip with your tongue. Fact 2: After reading this, 99/100 idiots would try it. =)

536. Masakit isiping di mo man lang ako maalalang i-text. Kunsabagay ganyan ka naman eh, don't text back, wag ka ng magpaliwanag dahil damang dama ko wala kang LOAD.

537. Kapag kulang ka raw, kapag kulang ka raw, sa sex, sa sex, nadodoble daw, nadodoble daw, paningin paningin mo mo, tama ba? tama ba?

538. ABS-CBN Report: Ang paglindol, ulan at pagtaas ng tubig ay hudyat ng pagbabawas ng unggoy. Worried ako sa iyo! Text mo ako kung nandiyan ka pa, ok?

539. BOY: Sir alam mo, kapag lumaki na ang anak mo, magaling ding driver. Sir: Paano mo naman nasabi ‘yon? BOY: E, sir, kamukha ng driver n’yo ang anak mo.

540. Bakit exciting ang text? Kasi sa text, cute ang panget! Puwedeng single ang married! Bida ang mga sinungaling! At sa text, bistado ang walang load!

Contributors:
501: Deejayz
502-513: +63920240***0
514-520: Abet (+63917866***0)
521-522: Tekla
523-535: originally posted at kukote in a jar
536-537: Meyms
538-540: Jack

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