2802. Whatever gives you laughter, do it more often because it will bring lightness to your heart, energy for your body and wonders for your soul. :)
2803. Glory isn't how high you jump over others nor how fast you run to the finish line but it is how often you stop to help people you meet the way along in life. Good night!
2804. Clever is when you believe only half of what you hear. Brilliant is when you know which half to believe.
2805. GOd understands we are not strong all the time. He knows that sometimes, all we can do is rest in His arms as He can take us through the journey of this life. Good morning!
2806. The heart remembers all special moments when goodness made a difference. May the love you shared with others return to you in countless ways. Take care!
2807. God always repays caring acts. It may not be with money or goods, more often He repays with happiness, health, friendship and love. Happy weekend!
2808. Don't simply thank God for the many blessings you have received. Also thank Him for He has chosen you to be a special blessing to others. Good night!
2809. Never be afraid of giving your best; in work, in life and in love. For it always be the ultimate gauge of satisfaction even if you fail.
2810. One cannot question the existence of feelings. They are there, raw and undeniable, but one can choose not to nurture what is felt, yet no matter what they say, what has been felt will always be more honest than what was chosen. Hence, true realities are not built by the mind but by the heart.
2811. Life becomes wonderful even if there are struggles and difficulties because we have a God so loving and inspiring who heals the pain and keep us going strong. Good morning!
2812. I've never been brave in cupid's eyes. I tend to hide what I really feel, pretend to be fine despite the pain deep within. Now, I've realized, nobody has the right to hurt me unless I let them take away my happiness.
2813. Blessings are not something we have to ask for. They are already there, all we have to do is count them and thank the giver everyday. Have a blessed Sunday!
2814. Blessings often sneak through a door you didn't know was left open. Every exit is an entrance to another phase of life. Wish you more doors for a blessed life. Good evening!
2815. In life, you may feel tired of fighting for the same reason everyday. You may feel that everyone is moving so fast leaving you far behind and you may feel that there is no point of moving on. There's no certainty in life. It's not how fast you get there. It's on how you played the game. Put in mind that at times it is better to be like a turtle who patiently moves and enjoys every step of the way rather than a rabbit who runs so fast and missing every simple single detail in life. Good morning!
2816. Don't say you love someone unless you mean it. Because they might do something crazy like believing it.
2817. Life's little instructions: 1. Never tell a person who's experiencing deep sorrow, "I know how you feel." You don't. 2. Never risk what you can't afford to lose. 3. Once a year, go somewhere you've never been before. 4. Remember that the formula for great love is communication plus respect. 5. When declaring your rights, don't forget your responsibilities. 6. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of good luck.
2818. Who's talking? During courtship, man talks, woman listens. Once married, wife talks, husband listens. After some years, both husband and wife talk, neighbors listen.
2819. Three contractors were asked to quote for repair of the Whitehouse gate: American contractor: I'll charge $900, $500 for labor, $300 for materials and $100 for me. Mexican: I'll charge $700, $400 for labor, $200 for materials and $100 for me. Filipino: I'll charge $2700. Whitehouse employee: Why so expensive? Filipino: $1000 for me, $1000 for you and $700 for the Mexican to do the job. Whitehouse employee: Hired! When can you start?
2820. Before computers, memory was something you lost with age; an application was for a job; a program was a tv show; a cursor used profanities; a keyboard was a piano; a web was a spider's home; a virus was the flu; a hard drive was a long trip on the road; a mouse pad was where a mouse live and a 3-inch floppy is something a man just hope nobody ever found out.
2821. Seven men where standing naked in a row with erected penises. A passserby saw them and asked, "Are you advertising for condom?" They said, "No, we are posing for 7-Up!"
2822. Husband to hotel manager. Come, hurry, my wife wants to jump out of the window. Manager: What can I do about that, sir? Husband: Idiot! The window won't open!
2823. You know you're getting old if you have become a multi-tasker. You can laugh, cough, fart, and pee all at the same time.
2824. Question. Why are hurricanes normally named after women? Answer: Because when they come, they are wild and wet but when they go, they take your house and car with them.
2825. A rookie pilot was about to land his plane. To ease his tension, he joked the tower controller, "Guess who?" Controller turned off the runway lights and said, "Guess where?"
2827. Life is too short to make it dull and boring. So strive for the best to make it worth living. Dahil makulay ang buhay sa sinabawang gulay! Have a makulay week!
2828. Make cool lie. Make cool lie ang buhay. Make cool lie ang buhay sa sinabawang gulay!
2829. Ang taong bolero, masarap ka text. Ang taong tahimik, makulit sa text. Ang taong two timer, sweet sa text. Ang taong stick to one, matipid sa text. Ang taong pretty, eto, patext-text!
2830. Question. Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman kung matanda na tayo? Sagot: Yung paggising mo, tapos pagtingin mo sa tagiliran mo, matanda din ang iyong katabi! Hahaha!
2831. Husband: Darling, nakakahalata ako na puro made in China ang ipinapakain mo sa akin. Wife: Iniisip ko kasi na kapag namatay ka, hindi na kita ipaeembalsamo!
2832. Class: Ma'am, ang baho po dito, may umutot! Ma'am: Ok, class. Sino man ang umutot, bibigyan ko ng 95 na grade. Pedro: Ma'am ako po. 100 nyo na Ma'am! Natae din kasi ako!
2833. Noon. Anak: Gusto ko na pong magbuntis. Nanay: Hindi pwede anak, kailangang mag-asawa ka muna bago ka magbuntis. Ngayon: Anak: Gusto ko na pong mag-asawa. Nanay: Bakit, buntis ka na ba?
2834. Elementary life: Todo aral, no syota, puro laro. High School life: Konting aral, patagong syota, bawas laro. College life: Walang aral, sabay-sabay syota, iba na ang laro.
2835. Titser: Bakit ka nalate? Bugoy: Nawalan ho kasi ng 500 yung lalaki. Titser: Tinulungan mo sya na hanapin ito? Bugoy: Hindi po. Tinapakan ko hanggang umalis sya.
2836. Question. Bakit masasabing pinakaswerte si Adan sa lahat ng lalake? Answer: Bukod sa nasa paraiso na sya, may asawa pa sya at walang byenan!
2837. Musta ka na po? Miss na po talaga kita. Hope everything is ok. Kapag medyo maluwag ako, bibisita ako dyan ha? Ok lang ba sa iyo? Dyan ka pa rin ba sa mental? Ano nga ba room number mo? Hehehe.
2838. "Sa iyo lang umiikot ang mundo ko." May tao na bang nakapagsabi sa iyo nyan? Puwes, niloloko ka nya! Ano ka? Solar system?
2839. Alam mo, naikwento kita sa puntod ni lola. Sabi ko, ikaw yung pinakamabait kong katext. Aba, akalain mo, sumagot. Hayaan mo apo, dadalawin ko sya ngayong gabi!
2840. Hindi kaya nainsulto si Pacquiao doon sa commercial ng San Miguel? Kasi, di ba, sabi sa kanya ni Morales, "Palakang katulad mo, Manny!"
2841. Jinggoy: Sayang ako na sana ang chairman ng Blue Ribbon committee. Ibinigay pa kay Cayetano. Erap: Hingin mo na lang ang Red Ribbon committee, masarap, laging busog ka pa.
2842. 3:00AM. Lasing kumakatok: Pare, tulong, patulak naman. Pare, naawa: Sige, sandali lang. Nagbihis si pare at lumabas. Saan ka? Lasing: Dito sa swing, patulak naman.
2843. Nagluluto ang mag-ama ng tanghalian. Ama: Ilang sili ang inilagay mo sa karne, anak. Anak: Labing lima, tay. Ama: O sige, gawin mo nang beinte, tapos kainin mo mag-isa, hayop ka!
2844. It hurts so much to be rejected by someone you really love but believe me, it hurts 10x more kung nakahugas ka na nang kamay, tapos, hindi ka pala kasali sa kainan.
2845. Anak: Ma, si kuya, nagbigti po sa banyo! Mama: Ha? Tumakbo patungong CR. Mama: Punyeta ka, huwag kang magbibiro ng ganyan! Anak: Hehehehe. Joke! Sa kwarto po sya nagbigti!
2846. May 7 frogs sa 1 box. Sa box, may 23 pairs na pato and 1 pusa. Ang isang pato ay nakakain ng 56 na suso. Tapos, may 5 langgam. Relax, don't worry. Walang tanong, hi lang!
2847. May isang bata na nagtanong sa tatay nya. Bata: Sino pong mas masarap, si nanay o si Inday? Tatay: Syempre, si Inday. Bata: Hindi naman eh, sabi nung driver natin, si nanay daw eh!
2848. Nangumpisal si Kulas sa mga kasalanang nagawa nya. Pari: Anak, hindi ka patatawarin. Kulas: Ha? Bakit father? Pari: Kasi, may kasalanan ka pa na hindi mo pa binabanggit. Kulas: Ano po yun father? Pari: Ikaw ba ang kumuha ng perang donasyon sa altar? Kulas: Ano po father? Pari: Ikaw ba ang kumuha ng donasyon sa may altar? Kulas: Hindi ko talaga marinig, father. Gusto mo, palit tayo ng pwesto? Nagpalit sila ng pwesto. Pari: Sige, magtanong ka. Kulas: Ikaw ba ang nakabuntis kay Ana na labandera? Pari: Ay, totoo nga, hindi ko nga marinig dito!
2849. Bobokesh ang floweret, jojosok ang reynabels. Chochorva ng chacha, chenes eklavush. - Mga batang bading na naglalaro ng bubuka ang bulaklak.
2850. Man1: Away kami ni misis. Naghistorical sya. Man2: Pare, baka ang ibig mong sabihin ay naghysterical. Man1: Hindi, historical, kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko.
2801-2815, 2818-2819, 2821-2826, 2830-2845, 2847-2850: Asha (+63917898***7)
2816-2817, 2820, 2829: Eroica
2827, 2846: Anonymous (+63920801***3)